Blogging, Listing, Healing, Oh my!

Did you know the word blog comes up as misspelled in spell check? It is almost as if what I am doing doesn’t exist. I am not sure what version of Office I have, and I am too lazy to look it up. I am 99% sure it is 2000, and even though I could have checked it in the time it has taken me to type this, I just refuse. It drives my husband crazy that I am a fairly intelligent person, and yet there are things about computers that I just refuse to learn or store in my memory.

So, is it possible that blogging did not exist 10 years ago? I am thinking it did not. I guess online updating does not update the spell check dictionary. Almost makes me want to e-mail Bill Gates.

A lot has changed in 20 years, yet I still have most of my issues intact. I say that but the reality is that if you had asked me 20 years ago what I wanted most in life, I have all those things now. My top five were husband, children, being close to family, house and pool. Check, check, check, check and check. So why do I still consider myself someone with issues? I think the answer to that is that the void I thought would be filled by my top five was different than what I thought it was. The emptiness and loneliness has not been dealt with.

This list also reveals that I am not a very grateful person. Did you notice health was not on that list? I have always been a reasonably healthy person. I do not struggle with constant illness or have fears of death or incapacitation. Everyday I have so much to be grateful for, but I fail to often see these things. Oddly enough, I find the “live in the moment” advice to be my greatest enemy. I know people mean this to be uplifting and to remove the worries of the future and the pressures of life, but instead it just makes me see what the moment is missing. What could I be doing better with this moment? My husband would say it is a matter of perspective. He is absolutely correct, but how does one fix that?

So what would my list of most wanted be today….1. My husband to have a job that allows him to live at home with us 2. Better time management on my part 3. More time with God daily 4. Be a better friend/relative (constancy) 5. No or minimal debt

I think I like this list better. The older list is filled with more external and material things. Now I think I am focused more on being a better person. When it was external things, I thought it was really hard because I had very little control over these things. I guess I still had control over what I put on the list. But now I realize how simple those things were compared to working on oneself. I am reminded of “Physician, heal thyself.” That is what I am trying to do, but it is so much easier said than done.