I am so over Kate Gosselin. I really wanted to be on her side. When I started watching the show, it had been on for over a year. As often happens, I came across this show during one of the many repeat seasons that seem to be getting more frequent and longer the older I get. I have several channels I go to when this happens – BRAVO, TLC, HGTV, E! and most recently the Style Network. I was truly charmed by this real family. They had struggles. They fought. They never made it look easy, yet they seemed to have a lot of love for each other and their children. The thing I liked about it the most was that I always felt challenged after watching to do more for my children. Now, that is irony! As anyone with eyes now knows, love apparently wasn’t enough. I don’t think it is my right to judge who went wrong in this tragic story, but I can say I felt more for Kate. That was until now. The straw that broke this camel’s back was the $7,000, 20 hour hair extensions. Did no one tell her hair does actually grow on its own? Just because you have enough money to do something doesn’t mean you should do it. I am hoping it is just because she wants to make Jon regret leaving her, so it was an impulse buy. I’m going to stick with this.
One of the tragic victims from the show was the note card bible quotes placed in their house in the first few seasons. What happened to them? Did they fall down, or was a conscious decision to pull them down made? If so, do you think a conversation corresponded or one spouse just didn’t even notice their disappearance? I don’t know which would be more tragic.
I have had these bible note cards on my extensive to-do list for awhile now. It actually started when my friend Melisa started a list of her own and made note cards she placed in her shower. I thought this was genius, but I am not known for frequent showering, so I wasn’t sure placing them in my shower would be very effective. Melisa’s goal was memorization. I just wanted a constant, daily reminder of things God has told me that really struck a cord. When I saw how Jon & Kate had theirs all over, I liked it. Plus, it would be a great presence for my kids. Here come the hurdles. I wanted them to be cute, so I had this great idea of decorating them. Of course, then I had to pick my quotes. I got Melisa’s list and started modifying it. I have real issues with starting things I don’t finish, and I didn’t want this to be one of those things. Solution – don’t start! That sounds callous, but it is the simplest way of stating what happened. I have read a lot of self-help books and read articles and researched on-line and watching TV programs. I know that you have to start with baby steps. I know that making realistic, accomplishable goals is the key. But I have stopped starting for fear of not finishing. When I start thinking about one of the many projects I would love to work on, I get overwhelmed by the number of projects on that list. I have a hard time picking one over another. They are all dear to me. A lot of people say watching too much TV is not good for you. However, I think for me it often provides the best advice. A very wise tennis show advertiser once said, “Just do it!” Were they talking to me?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Blogging, Listing, Healing, Oh my!
Did you know the word blog comes up as misspelled in spell check? It is almost as if what I am doing doesn’t exist. I am not sure what version of Office I have, and I am too lazy to look it up. I am 99% sure it is 2000, and even though I could have checked it in the time it has taken me to type this, I just refuse. It drives my husband crazy that I am a fairly intelligent person, and yet there are things about computers that I just refuse to learn or store in my memory.
So, is it possible that blogging did not exist 10 years ago? I am thinking it did not. I guess online updating does not update the spell check dictionary. Almost makes me want to e-mail Bill Gates.
A lot has changed in 20 years, yet I still have most of my issues intact. I say that but the reality is that if you had asked me 20 years ago what I wanted most in life, I have all those things now. My top five were husband, children, being close to family, house and pool. Check, check, check, check and check. So why do I still consider myself someone with issues? I think the answer to that is that the void I thought would be filled by my top five was different than what I thought it was. The emptiness and loneliness has not been dealt with.
This list also reveals that I am not a very grateful person. Did you notice health was not on that list? I have always been a reasonably healthy person. I do not struggle with constant illness or have fears of death or incapacitation. Everyday I have so much to be grateful for, but I fail to often see these things. Oddly enough, I find the “live in the moment” advice to be my greatest enemy. I know people mean this to be uplifting and to remove the worries of the future and the pressures of life, but instead it just makes me see what the moment is missing. What could I be doing better with this moment? My husband would say it is a matter of perspective. He is absolutely correct, but how does one fix that?
So what would my list of most wanted be today….1. My husband to have a job that allows him to live at home with us 2. Better time management on my part 3. More time with God daily 4. Be a better friend/relative (constancy) 5. No or minimal debt
I think I like this list better. The older list is filled with more external and material things. Now I think I am focused more on being a better person. When it was external things, I thought it was really hard because I had very little control over these things. I guess I still had control over what I put on the list. But now I realize how simple those things were compared to working on oneself. I am reminded of “Physician, heal thyself.” That is what I am trying to do, but it is so much easier said than done.
So, is it possible that blogging did not exist 10 years ago? I am thinking it did not. I guess online updating does not update the spell check dictionary. Almost makes me want to e-mail Bill Gates.
A lot has changed in 20 years, yet I still have most of my issues intact. I say that but the reality is that if you had asked me 20 years ago what I wanted most in life, I have all those things now. My top five were husband, children, being close to family, house and pool. Check, check, check, check and check. So why do I still consider myself someone with issues? I think the answer to that is that the void I thought would be filled by my top five was different than what I thought it was. The emptiness and loneliness has not been dealt with.
This list also reveals that I am not a very grateful person. Did you notice health was not on that list? I have always been a reasonably healthy person. I do not struggle with constant illness or have fears of death or incapacitation. Everyday I have so much to be grateful for, but I fail to often see these things. Oddly enough, I find the “live in the moment” advice to be my greatest enemy. I know people mean this to be uplifting and to remove the worries of the future and the pressures of life, but instead it just makes me see what the moment is missing. What could I be doing better with this moment? My husband would say it is a matter of perspective. He is absolutely correct, but how does one fix that?
So what would my list of most wanted be today….1. My husband to have a job that allows him to live at home with us 2. Better time management on my part 3. More time with God daily 4. Be a better friend/relative (constancy) 5. No or minimal debt
I think I like this list better. The older list is filled with more external and material things. Now I think I am focused more on being a better person. When it was external things, I thought it was really hard because I had very little control over these things. I guess I still had control over what I put on the list. But now I realize how simple those things were compared to working on oneself. I am reminded of “Physician, heal thyself.” That is what I am trying to do, but it is so much easier said than done.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The birth of a book....
So I have often wanted to write a book. So why haven’t I? It is an excellent question whose answer reveals a lot about me. I have so many ideas and no focused passion about any of them.
I have thought of a fictional story inspired by the genealogy of my family. I love genealogy and history. It would be a female driven Michneresque novel. That sounds like a lot of work, and I get overwhelmed and defeated.
I have thought of writing a book based on the struggles and questions I have had about Christianity – an every woman’s theology. But am I qualified? Who am I to speak on such important topics?
What about a book about relationships? I have so struggled with relationships, and I know I am not alone.
Or maybe a children’s book. Here are my titles: Even Monsters Have Mothers, Dinosaurs Love Their Mothers, Too, You Can’t Eat Cookies with a Fork. That is as far as I’ve gotten. I do have an art directory – my cousin Jake. I have tried to get him to do the art before I write the book, but I guess that isn’t quite fair.
I would love to do a book about my opinions, but I guess that is just a blog in print. I have lots of opinions on everything. They drive me crazy. I have opinions on restaurants, desserts, books, soup, bread, fast food, movies, etc. I wish someone would pay me to be a reviewer, but I guess you have to have some sort of credentials.
My favorite idea is a compilation book with my friend Melisa. It could be conversational or letter driven. It would be based on the things we have struggled with, wondered about, laughed over. Unfortunately, Melisa suffers from some of the same disorders I do – thinking and doing are not always connected. Then there is the fact that she is a real writer, and I am just a housewife just dying to have something to do with my time.
The weird thing is, though, that Melisa and I both have this strong feeling inside us of greatness. We both know we have been very blessed by God, and we just know that these gifts have to have a greater purpose than just late night conversations. I read books and watch shows about people who have accomplished incredible things, and I have tried to figure out what the difference is. I think I lack passion. Is that my fault or is it that I haven’t found the proper focus for my passion? Do I lack stick-to-it-iveness? Maybe it is the brown haired, blue-eyed aliens that are climbing all over me at this very second. No, I am not hallucinating. These are my children, so I must go before something crazy happens.
I have thought of a fictional story inspired by the genealogy of my family. I love genealogy and history. It would be a female driven Michneresque novel. That sounds like a lot of work, and I get overwhelmed and defeated.
I have thought of writing a book based on the struggles and questions I have had about Christianity – an every woman’s theology. But am I qualified? Who am I to speak on such important topics?
What about a book about relationships? I have so struggled with relationships, and I know I am not alone.
Or maybe a children’s book. Here are my titles: Even Monsters Have Mothers, Dinosaurs Love Their Mothers, Too, You Can’t Eat Cookies with a Fork. That is as far as I’ve gotten. I do have an art directory – my cousin Jake. I have tried to get him to do the art before I write the book, but I guess that isn’t quite fair.
I would love to do a book about my opinions, but I guess that is just a blog in print. I have lots of opinions on everything. They drive me crazy. I have opinions on restaurants, desserts, books, soup, bread, fast food, movies, etc. I wish someone would pay me to be a reviewer, but I guess you have to have some sort of credentials.
My favorite idea is a compilation book with my friend Melisa. It could be conversational or letter driven. It would be based on the things we have struggled with, wondered about, laughed over. Unfortunately, Melisa suffers from some of the same disorders I do – thinking and doing are not always connected. Then there is the fact that she is a real writer, and I am just a housewife just dying to have something to do with my time.
The weird thing is, though, that Melisa and I both have this strong feeling inside us of greatness. We both know we have been very blessed by God, and we just know that these gifts have to have a greater purpose than just late night conversations. I read books and watch shows about people who have accomplished incredible things, and I have tried to figure out what the difference is. I think I lack passion. Is that my fault or is it that I haven’t found the proper focus for my passion? Do I lack stick-to-it-iveness? Maybe it is the brown haired, blue-eyed aliens that are climbing all over me at this very second. No, I am not hallucinating. These are my children, so I must go before something crazy happens.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Teachers know best...
When I was in formal schooling, we were often called on to journal. I hated it. It just seemed to have no purpose. What were you to write about? Why were we writing? What would become of our writing? I don’t like things without purpose. By purpose I think I mean audience. My teachers often hinted that it was therapeutic and a great creativity stimulator, but I really didn’t buy into it. Kids, trust your teachers. They really do know a thing or two.
For years now I have wanted to journal. Many people in the Christian and psychotherapy circles vouch for the huge benefits of journaling. Because my mind is often spinning, I have begun to see the purpose, but I think one of my hurdles has again been what will come of it. Of course, I can see how it would be good for me, but that hasn’t seemed to be enough of a reason (issue #721). I have many times in my life wanted to write a book about something, and I have often seen journaling as an excellent vehicle in that journey. However, how do you ever make sense of one’s ramblings? This new fangled blogging may be a solution to that. Bonus number 2 to blogging is that it feels more real. There is a chance of an audience. There is the ability to create an interactive process. There is a built-in purpose.
So my blog is mainly a journal. Is that what most blogs are? I guess I should research that. The difference is that there is built-in some accountability. People you know and love know if you aren’t following through with your blog or if you quit it. Also, what you write has to be reviewed and edited. You can’t really just ramble. Well, I guess you could, but it is much more productive if there is a thought process involved. Am I over thinking this? Probably.
For years now I have wanted to journal. Many people in the Christian and psychotherapy circles vouch for the huge benefits of journaling. Because my mind is often spinning, I have begun to see the purpose, but I think one of my hurdles has again been what will come of it. Of course, I can see how it would be good for me, but that hasn’t seemed to be enough of a reason (issue #721). I have many times in my life wanted to write a book about something, and I have often seen journaling as an excellent vehicle in that journey. However, how do you ever make sense of one’s ramblings? This new fangled blogging may be a solution to that. Bonus number 2 to blogging is that it feels more real. There is a chance of an audience. There is the ability to create an interactive process. There is a built-in purpose.
So my blog is mainly a journal. Is that what most blogs are? I guess I should research that. The difference is that there is built-in some accountability. People you know and love know if you aren’t following through with your blog or if you quit it. Also, what you write has to be reviewed and edited. You can’t really just ramble. Well, I guess you could, but it is much more productive if there is a thought process involved. Am I over thinking this? Probably.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
And so it begins...
I finally watched the movie “Julie & Julia” and found myself inspired to do nothing about something.
“What?” say you. Well, let me explain. I consider myself an idea person. I am constantly having ideas. The “doing” is a whole other story. So, as I watched this movie about life changes, I was bombarded by ideas and inspiration. That was the something. But as usual, I probably was going to do nothing.
Enter my muse – my “special fiend” as she is often referred. (That is a story for another day.)
Compared to me, Melisa is a blogging professional. I have often read her musings and been jealous of her ability to share her ideas freely and eloquently. After discussing “Julie & Julia” and the implications, Melisa challenged me to start my own blog and go from there. What is the worst that could happen? I could quit it like other things? I could get overly consumed, and let it stress me out? Never! Well, it is a new year and maybe a new me.
It is time to do something about something. Would I love it to lead to a book deal, fame, fortune, maybe a movie staring Meg Ryan or Sandra Bullock. Sure! But the reality is it will probably just be a really nice outlet for all my thoughts that need to go somewhere.
It is driving me crazy that at this second it has no structure or theme. They shouldn’t make you name it at the start. I am hoping that will develop. I am a little controlling (I never LOL but this makes me LOL), so this factor is my first difficult hurdle. I am going to take a deep breath and a running start and jump.
“What?” say you. Well, let me explain. I consider myself an idea person. I am constantly having ideas. The “doing” is a whole other story. So, as I watched this movie about life changes, I was bombarded by ideas and inspiration. That was the something. But as usual, I probably was going to do nothing.
Enter my muse – my “special fiend” as she is often referred. (That is a story for another day.)
Compared to me, Melisa is a blogging professional. I have often read her musings and been jealous of her ability to share her ideas freely and eloquently. After discussing “Julie & Julia” and the implications, Melisa challenged me to start my own blog and go from there. What is the worst that could happen? I could quit it like other things? I could get overly consumed, and let it stress me out? Never! Well, it is a new year and maybe a new me.
It is time to do something about something. Would I love it to lead to a book deal, fame, fortune, maybe a movie staring Meg Ryan or Sandra Bullock. Sure! But the reality is it will probably just be a really nice outlet for all my thoughts that need to go somewhere.
It is driving me crazy that at this second it has no structure or theme. They shouldn’t make you name it at the start. I am hoping that will develop. I am a little controlling (I never LOL but this makes me LOL), so this factor is my first difficult hurdle. I am going to take a deep breath and a running start and jump.
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